Aparigraha (Let it Go)

I have been practicing non grasping since the last teacher training meeting without realizing it.
Someone our group met was "living her dharma". Which means she is doing exactly what she is meant to do with her life. After I heard that I thought about what I've been doing and realized I really don't know what the hell I'm doing.
As I was considering this, I realized how much my job is ego boosting. I want to help people. I don't want money to be my main reason for getting up and leaving the house everyday. (It wouldn't be enough motivation to anyway) I want to help brighten peoples' lives. But I also want people to acknowledge that I work hard to do good things. I want people to think highly of me. This is not something I considered about myself when I was deciding to try the medical field for the first time. But it played an important role in my decision making process whether or not I realized it at the time.

What came to, with all a lot of circling thought in my head lately, is that I have to let go of the idea that I am going to be able to think my way through this.

Aparigraha is one of the restraints of yoga as taught by Patanjali in the Yoga Sutras. It means non grasping. It can refer to all the ways we cling. We can cling to possessions, to concepts, philosophies and people. I have been clinging to an idea of how I want to be seen. I have been clinging to the idea that I can make "one right move" and everything I have ever wanted will happen. In order to move forward and allow space for what I'm "meant" to do to enter my life, it is imperative that I not cling to my misconceptions.

I have decided that my current tactic has to be waiting. I am not good at waiting. Better than I used to be, but still pretty impatient. It's an excellent practice for me to be still and see how things go.

So, this week we will practice letting go. Again. :) You are not your car or your paycheck or even the shape of your body. Let go of the ideas that are holding you back. Maybe you are exactly where you need to be but you're sad or stressed or confused. Let go. If just for an hour, experience yourself on a level that challenges your body but helps to make you less reliant on its aches and pains to identify yourself.

 Let it go