Darkness (Winter Solstice)

On Saturday, December 21st, we (the northern hemisphere) will experience the least amount of sunlight in 365 days. The winter solstice occurs because the earth tilts and as it rotates around the sun it gets varying degrees of direct light.

We've all been privy to the general grumbling that occurs this time of year. Maybe we've perpetuated the grumbling. While it's understandable to enjoy the light, feel energized by it and miss it when we don't have a lot of it, the darkness holds the key to our ability to rest and rejuvenate. It was only recently that I understood why I love fall so much. There are several reasons, not the least of which is it's the beginning of the move inward. Summer has us amped up for months. Fall begins the wind down process. We can wear comfortable, comforting clothing. We can feel more settled.

Too much of anything can be detrimental. Just look at the poles of the earth. They have 6 months of light and dark at a time. There are all kinds of psychological issues associated with this. You can see studies on the physiological detriment of 3rd shift workers. There is a certain rhythm our bodies follow. When we disturb that rhythm, we get sick, physically or mentally.

This week's class is intended to help you see why you feel the way you do about the dark. For some, the dark is scary. I told my son he's afraid of the dark. He said no, he's afraid of coyotes in the dark. Please consider this semantic distinction. Most people aren't afraid of the dark itself. But we fill the dark. I told him, in that case, he's afraid of what he can't see in the dark. He agreed. I think this is true of most. For some, the dark is comforting. What does the dark hold for you?

Our practice will honor the dark while remembering the light. The winter solstice may be the longest night, but it heralds the return of the light. Every night after the 21st will be a little shorter until June.

Perspective

Last week I was working at a particularly negative patients house and was really in it. I didn't want to be there, I was trying not to breathe the smoke they were emitting and I was mopping. Not the most fun. I don't remember the catalyst for the thought, but I suddenly remembered a meeting with the current group of teacher trainees I attended. One of our number recounted a story she had heard on the radio told by an astronaut of his first time in space. He was struck by the perspective. On earth, you just know wind and rain and destruction. From space you can see the totality of a hurricane.  This thought made me smile. It was as if these beautiful, thoughtful people were with me, reminding me not to get caught up in the wind because there's always a bigger picture.

This week we consider the idea of perspective and how it can apply to our lives. I have had the opportunity lately to be in many homes. When you're sick and limited in mobility, your walls become your entire life, unless you're lucky enough to have visitors. It is so easy to get caught up in our own story lines and our own thought/emotion patterns. Hell, even when you can leave the house and aren't sick it can be possible to bring the walls with you.

My fellow trainee from earlier was using the analogy of the earth from space to explain a yogic concept of mind called buddhi. Yogis have categorized more detailed layers of mind than our western model. They say the buddhi level of mind is the part of you which can view the lower levels as the astronaut views the earth from space.

Our lives have moments in which we are overwhelmed by reaction. Each person has different triggers; different reactions. If we can gain even an inch of perspective on the situation, we're more likely to have the space to be able to make decisions instead of reacting.

What can you observe without getting emotionally involved? Mine is sports. I can watch any sporting event (except one in which my son is involved) and not feel a thing. Put yourself in that mental space when you practice this week. It is not something you have to get right. It's not something you have any stake in. It's just what you're doing for a while. All you have to do is watch.

Your Reaction to Extra Stress

Last week we considered ease in the face of stress. This week we continue with this idea. We will create space and fill it with ease, while we learn a little bit more about ourselves and how we deal with additional stress.

We have stress everyday. We have responsibilities that lead to stress. We exist with a base line of stress in our lives. We have full, or almost full, plates with family, home, work, and the attempt to find time for ourselves. So, when we encounter difficult changes in our situation we add to our base line stress. It's only a matter of personal capacity that determines when we will become overwhelmed.

The holidays are a good example of this kind of issue, but it is one we could encounter at any time. Anything unexpected and unpleasant could cause us to feel this additional stress. Car trouble was a problem for me not too long ago. More recently was Thanksgiving and work. I noticed that I was more apt to have negative thoughts and to be hard on myself when I encountered stress about my base line. I have learned to cultivate a piece of myself that sticks up for me, but when I have that extra layer of stress, I revert to an inner monologue that is harsh. My sense of self is diminished. That part of myself that has learned to stand up and demand respect for myself from myself is preoccupied with my extra layer of stress and I revert back to habits I've grown out of.

Today, open yourself up while you practice. Allow yourself the space to perceive. By the time we're through you'll have space, feel more at ease, and be able to handle whatever you've understood about yourself.

Gratitude, Appreciation, and Ease

This week, arguably, begins the holiday madness. I've always found it odd the way this time of year is anticipated. It is enjoyed by so many and yet creates so much stress; even in those who love it. Of course, I haven't always felt this way. At one point, I was a child.

This is the perfect time, now and for the next several months, to take an hour or so for yourself and prepare with a yoga class. I know that sounds like a shameless self promotion, but it isn't. Take any class that helps you feel grateful and at ease. If you can manage to cultivate one, the other is much easier to have. It is when you take a step back from extra activities because you're stressed and overwhelmed that yoga can be most valuable. When you commit to a regular practice, even if it's for 10 minutes at home, it can have a wide sweeping impact on your mental, emotional, and physical well being. It is when you are trying to take care of so many things that it becomes most important to take care of yourself.
One of the talented women I have been fortunate enough to meet in the advanced teacher training I am currently in, is Jennifer Venditti. She is opening a yoga studio in Glenville for those in the area, Lilananda Yoga . On her home page she has written words that get to my point : "One of the greatest things about yoga is that it will always be there for you. It's kind of like having the best friend you could possibly imagine. Always there ready to accept you and hold a space for you no matter where you are or where you're coming from. Whether you've never practiced before, if you haven't been on your mat in a very long time or if you practice every day, your practice is always there for you!"

I looked up the definitions of gratitude and appreciation because words said so often can sometimes become less meaningful. According to Google, gratitude is "the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness". The idea of returning kindness is what struck me here. I didn't know that was part of the definition and feeling behind the word. Most appropriate. And there's appreciation, which is "the recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something".

I am grateful for many things in my life. One of them is when Izic gave me the list of things he's grateful for this morning, his family was the first thing and his video games weren't. I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. My love took care of me and everything over the weekend while I recovered from oral surgery. My daughter makes me smile and laugh every single day. She is amazing. Izic has been my teacher from day one and I can't imagine what my life would be without his having been in it.
As I have continued on my path of self exploration through a practice of yoga, I have been fortunate enough to have met some wonderful, inspiring yoga practitioners. I have spoken before of my teacher, Lauren Toolin. She said this once during a class and it has stayed with me: "Be grateful for everything in your life that has led you to this moment."

Everything. Who you are isn't just what you consider good things about yourself. You are not less for what you consider bad things about yourself. Let's try for grateful for everything. Let the lessons you learn in life inspire you to live better.

It's All Relative

Last week I was visiting my grandmother when she said, "Vanessa, you have your whole life ahead of you." I said, "Well, so do you." She meant it as a way of suggesting that I have so much time ahead of me that I can do anything with it. But, really, it is true of everyone. I had never thought of it that way before. You have your whole life ahead of you. This phrase has typically been reserved for young people, but if you can find space within yourself to accept that you really do still have your whole life ahead of you, you begin to increase your possibilities.

I've been spending so much time in the car lately, that I've been having most of my contemplative moments there. Last week, on my way to work I noticed, not for the first time, that people have the tendency to glob together when they drive. I've noticed this so many times before, and maybe you've had the experience when being passed by someone of speeding up without meaning to, or slowing down without realizing it. I think it interesting the extent to which we can become emotionally invested in other drivers. We have those moments of unaware speed changes because we drive relative to one another. We have been taught to drive aware of what the people driving around us are doing, because their decisions are based on what we are doing. So when we are trying to drive at a consistent speed, we use the objects around us to do that. When someone comes along who is driving much faster than ourselves, we will speed up without meaning to, because that car has become part of our relativity.
While observing my own driving relativity, I globed with two other vehicles. The choices to break the pattern are either to speed up or slow down. Speeding up can potentially lead to a race, so I slowed down. In a minute, we were all in our own space, at enough of a distance that I could resume my previous speed without the danger of getting globed with the same cars again.

This idea of relativity applies in other areas of our lives. Sangha is a yogic concept that means community. There is a great deal of importance placed on a gathering of like minded people, because we live relative to one another. Think about the people you are close to. Sometimes we must deal with people we don't want to because of certain circumstances in our lives. Some people we choose, for various reasons. Either way, who we associate with regularly will have an effect on our thoughts and behavior. Have you ever been around someone long enough to start picking up their verbal habits? We rub off on each other, whether we mean to or not.

You live your life relative to the time you have on this planet, in this form. You can look at the dwindling amount of years you have left and be daunted, allowing this vague knowledge of the "end" bog you down and prevent you from living fully. Or you can choose to look at the rest of you life as your whole life ahead of you.

This week we will practice with the intention of understanding that we live relative to everything, and opening up enough to be ourselves within that relativity. As we open to ourselves, we open to each other. Then we won't have to be daunted or upset by the passage of time, or even the movement of traffic. We will move with purpose through our lives by gradually becoming more and more aware of ourselves; taking decided action instead of mindless copying.

Contentment (or at least calm)

While driving to work recently, I realized I was feeling content and calm. It is a rare experience for me to exist without wandering around in my mind. I examined the experience and realized I could have it because I wasn't preoccupied with problems. Several things that had been weighing on my mind had been cleared up and therefore my ride to work was unburdened. I went into the day without any preconceptions of what it might contain. I wasn't dreading anything, nor was I anticipating anything.

Expectation and anticipation reared their ugly heads two days later at work. I encountered a patient that I expected something from and was disappointed when the situation turned out to be very different. It was with my expectation that the problem lie. The patient was as she was. I brought my preconception to the situation and had a negative emotional reaction because she didn't live up to it.

In addition to expectation and anticipation, going back in your mind to review something you experienced will prevent you from being present, and therefore rob you of any chance to be content. As I thought about why I was able to feel calm and content, I was taken away from the experience. As I move mentally into the past, I am subject to the emotional reactions of the past. As I relive those emotional reactions, I strengthen them, and move even farther from contentment.

Recently I have asked you at the beginning of class to notice and honor whatever you brought into the room with you. Your experiences and how you feel about them will color your practice. This is also true of any encounter in your life.
Sometimes we have emotional reactions that are so deeply ingrained that we are not really sure why we have them. I spoke a couple weeks ago about the idea of judgment versus discernment. Those ideas are operating at a level of aware decision making. But sometimes we have emotional reactions that are not so easily seen and understood. We have lower levels of mind that are functioning all the time and reacting to stimuli. So, not only do we react on the level that is related to our experience and memory but also on a level that is more instinctual; more guttural. I noticed it when I worked this weekend for people I had never met before. There were those who made me feel at home and those two made me feel like a stranger. It's not that anyone was unwelcoming or unkind but that there was a reaction in myself, probably set up when I was a child, to what I consider comforting and warm and what I don't. So even when we don't mean to, we walking to a given situation with a level of pre-programming that is going to affect the way we perceive; the way we feel in that situation.

We aren't always going to feel content. I noticed a couple days after I had that brief and lovely feeling of contentment that I left the house with a weight, so I was unable to have contentment. And I encountered things that were upsetting. But the mark of a regular yoga practice is, in part, your recovery time. When you're taken away from calm, how quickly can you return to it? Our practice this week will give you some tools that you can utilize when you're feeling upset to bring yourself back to that place settled, centered calmness and hopefully move you closer to contentment. We will practice a slow flow, without any anticipation, expectation or preconceptions to color the experience of the practice. Keeping the mind centered on the flow the breath while matching the movements of the body to that flow will allow us to be calm and centered, acting as a cohesive unit.

Fall Clean Up

We're moving into the long dark and cold of winter. A time of year when it is easy to wallow in any baggage we insist on carrying around. So we will practice twists and forward bends with the intention of freeing ourselves from emotional and physical toxins that have built up.

Open Hearted

"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself."   Thich Nhat Hanh


I have developed a couple week's worth of classes that asked you to see yourself honestly and be ok with it. That can be a daunting task. So, this week I would like to focus on opening your heart. Facing parts of ourselves that we don't like is a challenge. When we encounter the emotions that follow uncovering something we dislike about ourselves, it can create anxiety; it can create an emotional state that we don't want to face, which we then suppress.

We must take time to be still and be grateful. Last week was non judgment, which is important for self exploration, but feeling grateful can be even more helpful. It is said that we can't experience the love of another until we can love ourselves. I think we can't appreciate the love of another until we can agree the traits others love in ourselves are worthy of love. When we can be open hearted toward ourselves, we are more likely to be open and understanding toward others.

You deserve love. You have so much to be grateful for.

Try this: Take a moment. This could be when you first wake up, or before bed, or even on a lunch break. You only need a few minutes. Begin by settling in to an aligned posture. Then bring your awareness to your breath. Gradually and gently smooth out and elongate your breath so that it fills and supports your posture. Begin to feel, around the space of your heart, gratitude build. Think of simple things such as: your body supports breath, even if it is limited. Your body can sit supported by itself, even if it needs modification. You possess the gift of life. No one said it would be perfect. As you are open to this feeling it is likely that you will find more and more to be grateful for. Be grateful for everything in your life that has led you to this moment.

This next practice you can try anywhere you feel comfortable making noise. It also takes only a few minutes. OM is said to be the vibration of the universe. As we OM in a class, we attempt to set our own vibrations to the vibration of the universe. I find this practice helpful to begin my day, or a practice. Sit aligned and comfortable. Press your palms together and thumbs to the heart center on the chest. In this way you align what you do in the world (the action you take with your hands) to the seat of your authentic self (the seat of your soul is said to reside in your heart). Imagine that soul is bound to you but also of something greater. OM powerfully to align your self on earth to the flow of the universe. (Don't forget the silence)

Finally, I have included below a link to an article on elephant journal. It details some of the author's journey and he includes a practice of self compassion he learned from Thich Nhat Hanh. I have not tried it yet. Every time I think of trying it, I get a little misty. It is a powerful practice and it takes a lot of courage to be able to hold what hurts you so close.

Self Compassion Practice

Non Judgement: The Roots of Attachment

In order to be attached to anything, we must be convinced of its' worth.

Just as wanting isn't necessarily a bad thing, there is an historic precident for judgement. There is a certain amount of discernment necessary to navigate society. Who we surround ourselves with strongly effects our lives. We must decide what kind of person we want to be and that will be reflected in the company we keep.

But, there is also a judemental attitude that pervades our society that keeps us separate and keeps us grasping. It has nothing to do with bettering ourselves or growth; on seeing things with a discerning eye. It's the voice in your head (and maybe out of your mouth) that calls people different from you names. The voice that has an inflexible idea of right and wrong that condemns those who think and behave differently. It is also the voice that keeps you down. It's the voice that tells you you can't, you shouldn't, you'll fail, you look stupid. It's the voice that prevents you from trying a yoga class, even though you want to, and it's the voice that turns the class into a competition once you're there.

We all have attributes we're not thrilled about and this is definitely one of mine. I call people stupid all the time. Not even anyone specifically. Just "People are stupid." Recently I thought, by what measure? It's such a dismissive and mean thing to say. As if I've never done anything that someone would consider stupid. (I ask those close to me to hold their tongues ;) The point is, it's this kind of thinking that prevents compassion and keeps us separate from one another. It keeps us individuals and keeps us from feeling comfortable in a crowd.

Have you ever met anyone who is comfortable in their own skin? Is it not a relief? There's something magnetic about a person who is themselves without apology. Who is so comfortable they don't have to show off or try to impress. They are few and far between. And even they get nervous in a crowd.

I have, with a good deal of practice, begun to be able to have a day without having to review every detail at the end of it to find what I should be cringing about. Sometimes I fall back into that rut, but I invite you to let go of whatever judgements you're holding over yourself that keep you anxious and unsure. Open your perspective so you can see what another is going through with compassion, even if they did "bring it upon themselves." Remember that you are they and they are you. Begin to see the judgemets you place on yourself are the judgements you hold against others. As you free yourself, everyone becomes more free.

Achieving Without Wanting

How can you get what you want if you can't be attached to it?

I've been considering attachment a lot lately. The question above occurred to me when I was thinking about how attachment can lead to suffering. How can you achieve if you can't want it? We all have a mental image of what we want our lives to be. There are many ways we are told we can achieve what we want in life. There was much ado about the Secret. The ultimate goal of the schemes to get what you want is to make sure you're wanting. If you want then you'll feel unfulfilled and you'll keep buying. The almighty dollar and the bottom line are, unfortunately, the priority of a lot of people.

Is there really anything wrong with wanting? Goals can be important to the process of achieving; there are tasks that must be completed everyday that require our attention. The real question is, what is your relationship to want? Attachment leads to suffering. If we are trying to reduce our suffering, it stands to reason that we want to shorten our list of wants. Everything we want but don't need is another potential for suffering when we don't have it.

Tibetan monks spend days crafting intricate and beautiful mandalas. When they are completed, the sand is gathered, immediately eliminating what took a great deal of time and effort to achieve, and offered to the nearest body of water. It is a practice in non attachment. Another example, closer to home, is dealing with a toddler. Most people want some semblance of order in their homes and devote a certain amount of time to achieving that. When you have a toddler, there is no such thing as neat. I've seen several posts on Facebook cleverly stating such a truth, but the one I remember the clearest is "Cleaning with a toddler is like raking in a hurricane." We call Sydonia Destructo. It's apt. So a practice of non attachment is existing in a home that you want to be neat, but contains a toddler.

In Yoga and Psychotherapy, the authors describe biofeedback experiments in which patients are asked to move blood into their hand as a way to reduce the frequency of migraine attacks. It was reported by the participants that trying to think the blood flow into their hand didn't work and resulted in great frustration. They gave up on that process, and once they had, what they were trying so hard to achieve happened. Their hand got warmer because of increased blood flow. Once they gave up it happened. Once they stopped trying to think their way through it, it happened.

This is not about deprivation. Decreasing your list of wants doesn't have to be torturous. This is not about self denial. It's about understanding. I thought at first I would ask you to offer up your effort to some kind of greater good. But that involves your wanting what you want for someone else. Instead, practice because you're here and you can. Let your mind rest. Let you ambition rest. Practice empty.

Subtlety

My classes are canceled this week so I can stay home and celebrate my son's (10/1 - 10 years) and fiancé's (10/3 - age undisclosed) birthdays.

But that isn't going to stop me from practicing. And hopefully it won't stop you either.

In the course of reading for my next module of teacher training, I came across information that deals with the idea that suffering rises from attachment and aversion. As we are constantly running away from one and toward the other we have no time/space to see there is more to existence. I was particularly moved by the description of how a pattern becomes reinforced and how emotional reactions increase our habits. As we are attached to things/concepts that reinforce our idea of who we are, when we are faced with ideas that contradict our own we react with aversion. We have an emotional reaction, a fearful reaction. When this happens we lose perspective. We no longer have access to the gap between our emotions and our actions. We react. We fall back on habitual patterns of action which then reinforces their use, making it that much more difficult to break them.

It's the speed we are forced to deal with that concerns and amazes me. It takes me no time at all to process stimuli and react to it. It has taken me a decade of practice to be able to insert a fingernail's width of space between the two and it's an exercise in mindfulness everyday, all day to keep it that way. It's so subtle. The amount of information we are forced to accept every day through our senses is so overwhelming. It's a constant barrage, because even when you're not constantly aware of it, your mind is still processing. We need to practice being aware of the subtle. It's easy to pay attention to the marching band. Can we begin to pick out individual instruments?

The exploration of subtlety is not one most want to engage in. My practice has changed quite a bit since I first began. I have developed the muscle tone to hold poses longer, which has become a necessity because I have also developed the awareness of more subtle information. There is a lot to be aware of, as you know, and as you become more spacious you have more room to notice. More details to notice. I love vinyasa classes, but it is important to slow down once and a while and make an effort to become more aware of the less obvious.

Asana coming next week.

Winter Prep

I know no one wants to hear that it's going to get cold and dark for the next 6 months, but sometimes the truth is hard to hear. Last Sunday, September 22nd marked the autumnal equinox. There are two equinoxes a year and they are determined by the Earth's angle to the sun, just as the solstices. The current, and ever shifting angle, is zero. The Earth's surface faces the sun's surface directly.

 

 

Therefore we experience 12 hours of day and 12 hours of night. Equal. Equinox. You get the idea.

 

This week's class came to me in a moment of silence. In an attempt to practice what I preach last week, the image of a pose I haven't practiced in a long time came to my mind. It's a modification. We will be trying it this week. It is a hip-py kind of pose which lead me to strive to develop a class which centers around hip work.

 

It was recently we worked to let go of baggage that prevents growth with a hip centered asana practice. Since we are headed into a season fraught with stagnation, we will practice once again to open the hips and release any emotional stagnation held there. It will not be a repeat of the last hip class, but a refinement. The hips not only are emotionally charged, they are physically challenging. A majority of people have jobs that require them to sit. If sitting for extended periods of time isn't in your job description, maybe standing is. Regardless, repetitive physical movements result in overuse in some muscles and weakness in others. This leads to stiffness. A lack of flexibility and habitual postures lead to chronic pain.

 

One of the things I like about the practice of yoga is that the body, mind (including emotions), and energetic components of an individual are considered inexorably linked. So, when I say a lack of flexibility leads to chronic pain, it exists on each level of person. When you utilize the same neural pathways you strengthen them, and reduce the chances you'll create or utilize new ones. This is lack of flexibility. This can lead to chronic choices which keep you stagnant. If you look at similar situations and react the same way each time, this leads to emotional stagnation.

 

This is why it is so important to acquire and maintain awareness. When we become aware of our habits we can then make gradual steps to change them; to increase our flexibility and become less susceptible to the kind of trouble that comes when we experience winter. It is easier to feel sad, unmotivated, discouraged, and any number of negative emotions when winter sets in, especially if you're not an outdoor winter activity kind of person. By practicing movement regularly now, you increase your chances of movement when you're lacking motivation to do so. Movement leads to motivation, increasingly positive moods, and, as you practice choosing actions that are healthy for you, you will increase the likelihood that you'll choose that way again.

 

Finally, winter and it's potential troubles are a result of a lack of light. What is important to remember is that you carry, create and emit your own light at all times. Just as the calm and spaciousness you experience after a yoga practice is yours to experience in times of stress, the light you are made of is yours to use even in the darkest of times, both literally and figuratively.

 

Namaste.

 

 

 

 



Clarity

Silence is not a large part of our lives, generally. We are stimulated sensorily at all times. In addition to the barrage of marketing we are subjected to, we avoid silence because when we are silent, our thoughts rush in to fill the void. Those thoughts that occur to us when we are unsuspecting can be filled with negativity. We carry with us our insecurities, our fear and anger. When we are quiet and engage our conscious mind we can get lost in the analyzing, justifying and judgment that can come with thinking about things that worry us.

We live in a material world (nobody sing), one with a tenuous grasp on the concept of energy or spirit. When we lose sight of the fact that existence is bigger than our lives and conscious perception of it, we become subject to worry about things that are of little significance. There is a mantra that translates as "I am that." There are several that suggest this idea that we are the universe. We are not separate entities. What makes the universe makes us as well. What fills the universe fills us as well. If you are a science minded individual, physicists have shown us that every element in the universe is created in stars. When they nova, they shoot the ingredients for planets and life out into the universe. So, on an ethereal level, you are inherently divine. On a physical level, you are made of stars.

Today we will practice moving in silence, sitting in silence and, hopefully, will achieve some measure of clarity at the end of it all.

In the mean time, try this:

Visualize being surrounded by fog. In the fog is all of your conscious thought. It holds all your doubts, fears, anxieties, embarrassment, and anything you typically hold against yourself on a given day. It is dense and opaque.

Take a step back.

Feel that you are emerging from this turmoil.

Take a step back.

Feel your back body free. Begin to see light.

Take a step back.

Be free of the fog. It still takes up your view but you are no longer bound to it. Watch it writhe and roil.

Take a step back.

Notice how light and relieved you feel. Begin to see, as you create distance between yourself and the fog, the edges of it.

Take a step back.

See how insignificant that turmoil is in comparison to all the space around it. Notice how small and petty it really is.

Begin to feel a breeze blow. It penetrates your skin and flows to every square inch of your being. Experience and appreciate your recent lightness of being. Feel the breeze become a wind. It becomes powerful enough to take your fog and carry it away from you. The fog dissipates and disappears. Feel how easy it is to exist calmly and quietly now that you've release your burden.

Acceptance (The Subtle Art of Letting Go)

I was outside with the baby on an amazingly beautiful day. She was playing with rocks while I sat nearby and let my mind wander. I ended up in a painful time in my life, thinking about a situation in which someone else experienced pain and I felt responsible for it. I know that I made a bad choice and the consequences were inflicted on someone else. It left me feeling guilty and upset. Then, part of my mind thought how ridiculous it was to feel so bad about something that happened so long ago. The thought stemmed from an idea of how another person might have viewed the situation. They may have thought it was silly to let something effect me so strongly after so long, so I immediately pushed it away. I didn't come to terms with it and let it go. I ignored it.

This week we will explore the concept of acceptance. I have spoken before about the ability to choose how you feel. It is important to make the distinction between choosing happiness and pushing down upset feelings. Choosing to be happy now by stomping down pain so you can ignore it is only going to result in greater pain at a future date. Maybe you'll always feel some lingering shame about certain episodes in your life. The question is, can you put aside those antiquated feelings and accept the fact that there are things you've chosen that were a bad idea, and move on? This is also a practice that can be aimed at feelings you cling to regarding the way you were effected by someone else's bad decision. Not to push down or aside those feelings of upset, but to come to terms with them. It is our own minds that insist on judgment and recrimination. The truth is that the incident is without value until we create some. It happened. It is something that happened that doesn't have to create future suffering. Hopefully, we can learn from it and our lives will be enriched by it. We can choose how we feel. We choose to experience melodrama so we can feel alive by experiencing the chemicals that create emotions.

This is work. This process involves consistent and regular awareness about who you are and how you react to experiences. The idea of letting go is easy to talk about but requires diligence to achieve. If you are in the habit of picking at scabs, it'll take some time to stop.

Asana this week will revolve around the hips. The hips are a repository of long held negative emotion we can't or won't let go of. When we manipulate the hips we encourage the flow of energy down and out, increasing our eliminative capabilities, so we can become more flexible in body and mind. When we have trouble digesting and eliminating stimuli and the resultant emotions we experience, that energetic stagnation translates into physical difficulty. If you have difficulty with your large intestine it may be that you have tension and fear around some of your experiences.

Pranayama will be sama vritti with a Let Go mantra. As you inhale, Let. As you exhale, Go. Allow the idea to permeate your mind and create ease within the structure of all postures. Experience the release of long held tension. Be aware of the areas of your body in which you hold your tension. As you become more aware of this, you will be able to notice in everyday life when you're experiencing tension and are ignoring it. Your body will always let you know.

(Find a Way to) Love Yourself

On my way to work I pass a church with a changeable sign, and lately it has said "love your neighbor as yourself". This got me wondering if I knew anyone who loved themselves. And not in the ego inflated narcissistic way, but a genuine appreciation for themselves.

I think the actions of the general population is reflective of the way people feel about themselves. If you had respect for yourself, you could have respect for others and demonstrate it. If you had compassion for your personality traits and characteristics, you would have patience for other peoples' peccadillos and treat them with compassion. But these qualities are not interesting. They don't perpetuate consumerism, they don't entertain. Therefore they are not valued as highly. Peace does not sell.

This week I will offer an exploration into your world in regard to your feelings about yourself. I have been, and continue to be, fascinated by the mind's ability to compartmentalize to such a degree that we can lie to ourselves. We can believe we have great self esteem but in actuality, be quite harsh on ourselves. The truth lies in the actions we take. What kinds of entertainment do you enjoy? How do you feel when you watch people make fools of themselves in front of a national audience? Better about yourself? How much of the news do you watch? How do you feel after that horror fest? Do you feel more informed and interested in creating dialogue with people you may not agree with or do you just feel more fearful, sad and angry? Do you take time to care for yourself? Do you really believe yourself worthy of the time and care? When you feel overwhelmed do you reach for a chemical to take the edge off?

Asana practice this week centers around integration. We will synchronize our many moving physical parts, as well as our breath and awareness to create an integrated whole. When we become immersed in the wholeness of our being, we can put aside thoughts and stimuli that fragment us. As we replace destructive attitudes toward ourselves with appreciation for what we do well and patience for what we don't do well, we won't as easily fall victim to the voyeuristic entertainment and news that has evolved to distract us from our own inadequacies. We won't need to be distracted because we will have less suffering, more joy and as we develop compassion, more people around us who are joyful.

Sit with yourself. Allow space within for whatever you are today. Decide to move with understanding for today's situation. If we practiced this class tomorrow, or yesterday, you wouldn't feel the same and wouldn't practice the same. Honor your internal environment. Care for yourself. Can you find space to be challenged while being accepting?

Happiness is Always a Choice

I was on a friend's facebook page last night and saw a post about lucid dreaming that included a link. I've always been interested in the idea of lucid dreaming so I clicked the link. The very first part of the site that loaded was the words "the key to a happy and fulfilling life resides within your dreams". I hadn't seen the rest of the page but I knew with certainty they were going to try to sell me something.

This makes me sad. So many people are unhappy in their lives that the idea of having a tool to help become happy is now a successful marketing tool. (Don't even get me started on pharmaceutical companies)

I can't say lucid dreaming won't help you become more fulfilled and happier. But I know yoga will. It's not that yoga itself makes you a happier person. Yoga asana may help your body to feel better, but actually it's the awareness and mindfulness that is cultivated in a regular yoga practice that will help you see what you need in your life to be fulfilled and make choices that lead to greater happiness.
Yoga (the entirety of yogic practices, not just asana) helps to clear away the cluttered chatter of our thoughts. As we are free of the distractions we are free to act in a way that makes our lives worth living.

This does not mean we will never again suffer, feel sadness, or pain. Life is full of challenges, but we can choose how we meet those challenges. The decisions we make about our reactions will determine whether we wallow in suffering or watch it, learn from it, and rise above it.

This week we will practice mindfulness. Asana will focus on strength. We will practice standing and balancing postures in order to prepare ourselves physically and mentally for coming challenges. You will learn so much about yourself as you practice moving through difficulty.
Watching the breath as it moves without manipulating it proves challenging. It is not something we are encouraged to do. When do you just sit and breathe? My love makes jokes. I tell him I'm going to breathe. He tells me he's going to blink. :) Maybe we should focus on blinks one day. The point is, as we focus on something without trying to control it, we create one pointedness in our attention and become more mindful.

Perspectives

This weekend I had the pleasure of camping with family I only have the opportunity to see once or twice a year. It is a grounding experience to camp, and I took the opportunity to sit and breathe. I picked a place to sit that afforded me the most comfortable seat, given the terrain. It gave me a nice view of the lake and the hills on the other side. It was pretty. After I practiced some pranayama, I noticed that I was sitting with some young trees quite close to me. I was so preoccupied with the horizon that I didn't even notice how close I was sitting to those trees. It would have been an interesting scene to come upon. If someone happened to notice me they probably would have thought my choice of seat strange. It would have looked like I was staring at a tree at a pretty close range.

I have this trouble conceptually as well. There are things I hold carefully within myself so that I don't have to see them. Those things that are closest to me are out of focus. Fears, emotional issues and anything I identify with that I don't like about myself, I can't see clearly. I have no perspective. But there are those who are close to me that are able to see these things.

This week's class is an exploration of perspective and a celebration of those people in our lives who can bring some to us. Physically speaking, our asana will help to create space internally, so that we can create our own perspective. There will be twisting and forward folds, so we squeeze out our physical and emotional toxins and let them go. We will also make use of visualization to create sweeping vistas we can access any time we're feeling claustrophobic. And, of course, pranayama will be an important part of our spacious plan.

If you're still having trouble with gaining perspective, this is the perfect time to celebrate someone close to you who has it. Kids are great for this. You can either be a better person because you want to be a role model for your children or you can perpetuate your own neuroses in the next generation. Have you ever had your kid do something that you just know is from you and you cringe because it's not a very flattering representation? Yikes.
If you are having difficulty, think of a person with whom you have mutual respect and trust. If you can avoid, or get over, being defensive, that person becomes invaluable in the process of personal growth.

Anti-Clench (Spelunking)

Today is a rainy day and, I think, a nice metaphor for the idea of going with the flow. This week's class will focus on understanding what you cling to and attempt to begin to release it.

Whether it be a physical reaction when you're upset (such as clenching the steering wheel when aggravated at traffic) or tight shoulders after a particularly stressful day, or an interior energy blockage around such things as emotional reactions to a situation with a loved one, we all have moments of clenching in our lives.

More over, we are subject to clinging to certain behaviors or feelings. We all have egos and, to varying degrees, are at the mercy of their demands. One of those demands is individuality. We want to be seen as special; unique in our predilections. Over time, we become dependent on certain emotions that make us feel like ourselves. We identify with that feeling; we become the feeling. Because it reinforces our sense of self, we cling to that sensation. We don't feel "right" when made to feel something other than this. We will avoid certain people, situations or even thoughts that challenge this feeling.

Spelunking is a fun word, but more than that, it is apt to this kind of exploration. One of the first things I learned about myself as I practiced yoga was that my mind (everyone's mind) has the capacity to compartmentalize to such an extraordinary degree that I can create the circumstances that allow me to lie to myself. As we move forward in our journey of self exploration, we must create a powerful headlamp that will allow us to see in to the darkest depths of our psyche. You are the only one who can make it possible to see what has been buried for years.

Asana will make it possible to have a tangible experience of this cling/clench and let go idea. It will be important to practice without incurring injury. Mindfulness will be key. As we work strongly and let go, we will begin to create an evenness of effort. So instead of relying on just one muscle group, we will strengthen evenly along all muscles to support joints and create a smoothness and grace of movement. As we work the body we can not help but work the mind. Therefore, we will develop that same evenness of effort and grace of movement in our thoughts.

Back with a little R & R

I'm back! and excited to be. I've finished with training and am looking forward to offering a rest and relaxation class for all who wish to practice.

The class came about because I subbed for Karol Augspurger last Saturday morning at Soluna Yoga, and her class is billed as R & R. It was an excellent opportunity to view my class through a different lens. I considered what I could offer in the way of a restful and relaxing sequence and hope you find it to be so.

I will begin the week in Gloversville at Fit Happens on Monday at 6:15. It will not be an R & R class. :) But I hope I will see you anyway.

I will be at Soluna Yoga in Niskayuna at 5pm on Tuesday and the at the JCC at 7p.

Can't wait to get started! See you soon.

Skillful Gardener

Last week I developed my Solstice class. I was feeling really good and in awe of the miracle of life. Then I went outside and weeded an area in which lilys are growing. That gave me pause. It was a contradictory action from the way I was feeling. To have such a feeling of reverence for life then rip a whole bunch of living things out of the ground was jarring. I thought about the value of the flower over the weed. The weed isn't any less valuable, but the flower enriches our lives with beauty. At the very least it is aesthetically pleasing. The weed, if given free reign, will take over and choke out the flower. A skillful gardener discerns which plant to pull and which plant to leave.

In our lives, yoga helps us to become more observant and discerning. We may start our yoga journey full of uncertainty, but as we commit to the practice, we become aware of those traits we need to let go of and those that can be cultivated. Those thoughts and behaviors that lead to growth become more recognizable when you can hone your awareness. When you become increasingly aware of how certain foods, people or places make you feel, you will eventually be surprised at your past self and all the damage you could do.

As someone who has recently become more firm in her belief of her own self worth, it makes me sad to see and think of all those who behave habitually and hurt themselves because they don't have a sense of their own value. I remember well the days of chemical intervention; of filling a void with unhealthy food or people. We live in a world of constant comparisons and if you buy into the idea, you'll drown in it. The thought that I am right and they are wrong is subtly fed to us everyday. Even worse than the idea of right vs wrong is the stubborn view that because I'm right they have to be wrong. There is no room for the notion that both points of view are simply that: points of view and are inherently without value. We judge. We drive ourselves crazy by needing to be accepted and liked by the world.

Yoga gives us tools to open our minds beyond the petty demands of egocentric thinking. While we may continue the habits we've grown into, with a mind more able to concentrate, gradually more able to sustain that concentration, we can see the truth that the material world is a fleeting pleasure. We will find more space within ourselves than we ever thought possible.

Practice with consistency and become your own skillful gardener.

Celebrate Life

Izic went to the Farmer's Museum in Cooperstown with his class last week. He came home with what he called a beanie baby. It was a dried bean and a wet cotton ball in a little plastic baggie on a string. They told him to wear it around his neck so it would stay warm and blow into it because the carbon dioxide in his exhale would help it grow. It took 6 days to sprout.

Take a moment to consider how amazing this process is. Stored within this tiny (relatively speaking) seed is all the energy and information needed to create life. That is a miracle. With the right set of conditions, warmth and water, something stirs internally, and in a matter of days you have a living, breathing being. It's magic. Now there's a scientific explanation for all of this but that doesn't make it any less amazing or magical.

Our practice this week will be in celebration of life: our lives, our loved ones lives, our own potential to make life. The Earth's capacity to sustain life, along with the sun and water, without which the Earth's potential to carry life would remain potential.

Practice today in awe of life and with gratitude to be a part of it. Contemplate the circumstances in which you were an eventual possibility. Let it infuse your being with joy. Then, at some point this week, take a minute to connect with another living being. Honor and celebrate them.

Go With the Flow

This week's class will be a flow class focused on the intention that sometimes we can't change the circumstances we're in, so we have no choice but to go with it. Well, we could choose to be angry about it, or upset in some way, but that is counter to a life led mindfully. Feeling anger at a situation isn't inherently bad or wrong. The beauty of a regular yoga practice is noticing those initial reactions and understanding why they arise. Then you will not have to spend your entire day (week, life) in a funk.
The weather is a perfect example. It has been less then ideal lately. But it doesn't have to ruin your day. Or month. Let's practice going with the flow and gaining some perspective.

Trust the Ground

"You're running and you're running and you're running away
  you're running and you're running and you're running away
  you're running and you're running, but you can't run away from yourself..."   Bob Marley

We love our stuff, don't we? We love to reminisce about the "good ol' days", relive tragedies, and erect elaborate defense mechanisms to prevent future hurt. But what good does this do us? If we can learn from our mistakes, the past is not a waste, but if we insist on carrying the past around with us we'll just end up sad and tired.

Today's practice is centered around the idea that having a solid connection to the earth will allow us stability, and with that stability the confidence and trust in ourselves to be able to move with surety through our lives. Life doesn't have to be a heartbreaking struggle. It may be sometimes but it is not the ultimate of living experiences. If we can learn to trust and rely on the ground beneath us we will walk taller, relax more deeply and be more spacious.

We will connect to the earth today and commit to it the baggage we think defines us. As we let it go we will be amazed at the freedom we can feel.

Integration

If you've gotten caught up in the need for certain personality restrictions in certain groups, you may have wondered what would happen if those disparate groups in your life ever met.

Today's class is going focus on the idea of integration. We will practice asana and pranayama. Integration in asana helps to prevent injury, as we will practice integrating bones into joints and integrating the function of muscle groups so that effort is spread throughout the body, preventing tension from cropping up in any one particular area.

As we integrate our body mechanics to the flow of our breath we integrate ourselves into the moment. There are so many phrases used to impart the idea of being here now. It may seem like a logically sound idea, but until we start to experience little episodes of presentness, the concept stays an intellectual exercise. We can only ever breath now. If we can keep our attention on the breath, we can have our whole being in the present, instead of our bodys now and our minds before or after.

As we practice keeping our attention on the breath and body, we will have less and less room for the demands of the outside world. Our priorities will shift from making sure everyone around us thinks highly of us to noticing how we react to the outside world. This knowledge can lead us to the ability to choose to behave in a way that is reflective of our authentic Self, integrating out external personas with our internal truth. Then, we will find peace.

Samaskara

It has been shown that the neural pathways you utilize repeatedly are strengthened, and you are much more likely to use those same pathways again. In other words, we are likely to be stuck in ruts, by right of our very biology. A samskara is a pattern of thought and behavior in which we are stuck. In order to overcome habits we must be diligent and pay attention. As we notice those out-moded ways of thinking or being we can choose differently. It is difficult at first. But, it's a positive feedback loop. The more you choose thoughts and actions that lead you toward growth, the easier it'll be and the more likely you'll be to choose that way in the future.
In order to be the most authentic version of yourself, you must become aware and break free from your current programing.

Jai Ma!

Jai Ma!

When I say mother what's the first word that comes to mind? Our mothers are such a huge influence on us, it's hard to think objectively on the subject. It's always an upsetting day (to say the least) when we discover our mothers are in fact human and perfectly capable of all the nasty stuff everyone else is capable of. She is our first love and that is a love filled with all kinds of baggage, even if it's unconditional as well.

Mother's day is upon us and this week's classes will be a celebration of Ma. That idealized version of the word that everyone has an internalized form of. It may be your birth mother, it may be your grandmother, aunt, adoptive mother, or other person. Or it may be a saint, a goddess, or mother nature for whom you celebrate. 

Regardless, the word mother has a connotation for us all. If we choose to disregard the more negative aspects of human nature, one could say the list of qualities of mothers would look something like this: Nurture, balance, foundation/ground, challenge, determination, perseverance, dedication, playful, sacrifice. 

Mothers are about growth. Growth is not something that happens without pain. A good mother helps you to make sense of the pain. As you learn from it, you grow. Today pick a mom to celebrate. Think of the things she's done for you and offer your work to her. Let her inspire you in your practice to care for yourself and learn something. Embody a quality you admire about her. Then go buy her something nice. ;)

Contentment

The final niyama is santosha. It is contentment. We've gone over the niyamas in no particular order, but it occurs to me that practice of all the niyamas could lead to contentment. Svadyaya (self study) leads to personal understanding. As you understand your motivations better you become more content. You realize you don't have to continue doing things that make you emotionally extreme. As you practice tapas (effort; discipline) you become more driven. You achieve what you want out of life and that certainly leads to contentment. Practicing surrender (ishvara pranidana) can lead to contentment. I like the serenity prayer as an example of this idea: god grant me the strength to change the things I can, to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to know the difference. Practicing saucha (purity) can help you eliminate those influences that keep you stuck in negative thought patterns. It can lead you to choose healthy. When you're healthier and have less pain, you can be content.

The direct practice of contentment (santosha) has more to do with how you feel about what you have or don't have. This is related to acceptance but isn't exactly the same. Acceptance implies a passivity. Contentment implies some action. One can choose to be content. This could involve acceptance of a situation you know you can't change or it could mean working for something you know you will achieve and being patient with the process.

Contentment also lies in the cessation of comparison. Our society is fraught with comparisons. Comparisons lead to judgement. Judgement leads to negative feelings, either of yourself or someone else. This meaning of judgement should not be confused with the idea of discernment. In order to live in the world we must take in information, digest it and come to a decision. Looking at the information with a discerning mind will lead you to a decision that works best for you. Looking at the information with a judgmental mind will lead to feelings of separateness. They are doing A. I am doing B. Judgement implies one of us is wrong. Discernment allows us to notice the differing information and see that B is right for me, just as A is right for them. Neither party is wrong. This leads to a peaceful mind. Which leads to contentment.

Pratyahara (withdrawl of the senses) helps to shatter the illusion of our boundaries. As we go inside we discover that which is inside is also all around us. Contentment is knowing we are all made of the same stuff. Contentment is all about perspective. Contentment is living your life without fear.

Ishvara Pranidana

Ishvara Pranidana is a difficult niyama for me to discuss and practice because it means surrender to god. I have believed for many years that no one can really know if god exists until they die. But I have begun a Tantric path of yoga (and living) that includes the belief that everyone can know god in their lifetime with enough dedication and practice.

Now we must come to an agreement on what god means. We don't have to agree, we just have to all be on the same page. When I say god I do not mean the monotheistic father figure in the sky. But you might. And if you do that's ok. If that's what works for you, go with it. And that is the mentality I hope you all take when approaching a topic such as ishvara pranidana. What works for you may not be what works for your neighbor and that's ok.

Ishvara pranidana is surrender. As one lets go of the idea of control an internal peace can be achieved. The ego isn't going to appreciate this much, but the ego shouldn't be in charge anyway.  In order for growth, the ego needs to be checked.

Regardless of the form, most people have a belief of something bigger than themselves. It can be something ethereal like the idea of the divine, the universe, destiny, fate, the source, god, a higher power, the grand scheme or it can be a more down to earth concept such as the sanctity of of the family unit or the interconnectedness of all aspects of nature.

It is this concept, whatever it may be for you, that can serve to draw importance from the demands of the ego. We will practice asana and pranayama but the benefits of your practice will be offered to whatever your concept of "more than myself" works for you. Every time  your practice gets hard, remember that it's for your partner, your child, humanity or god for whom you make this effort; for whom you work and strive.

Shine a Light in Dark Places

Perhaps as daunting as the idea of restriction is the idea of self study. I remember a time when lying to myself was acceptable practice. I have only recently begun to fathom the depths to which I have pushed unpleasantness. I know I've made progress, but there is stuff I've gotten so good at ignoring, I've forgotten it's there.

Svadyaya is the discipline of watching your interior mental processes and beginning to understand how they lead to your external behaviors. The practices of yoga provide a means to be able to crack the cloud cover of willful ignorance long enough to allow a shaft of sunshine to beam down. With this illumination we are able to see our true motivations. What baggage are we dipping into when we interact with the world? From where are we really moving? We have the extraordinary ability to convince ourselves we're right; that our motivations are grounded in truth. But we fool ourselves.

When we begin to notice these things it can be disheartening. It's important to show compassion to yourself in the face of what is perceived as flaws. This compassionate mindset will give us the courage to get close enough to our "flaws" to understand them. Then we can let them go. A sense of humor can also be an ally when facing our dark corners. If we can find the presence of mind to laugh in the face of that truth, we can embrace the totality of who we are.

It is important to practice those things which cause us to feel angry, frustrated, nervous or upset. As we become aware as to why we feel this way, we will be able to let go of patterns that exist around those feelings and we won't have to feel that way any more.
The pit fall of a practice that doesn't ever ruffle your feathers is the perpetuation of those behaviors and mental attitudes that keep you in the dark.

This week begins a week of fiery asana. In order to be able to shine light into the darkness, we must radiate. In the book Path of Fire and Light, Swami Rama speaks of those who walk the path of light, who deny the existance of darkness, saying the sun never knows what darkness looks like. We will practice pranayama and asana that stokes our fire aspect; our agni. Fire is transformative. It takes something and makes something else. We all come to yoga as we are, where we are. We stoke our fire, shining bright, radiant light on our dark places and are transformed into the best versions of ourselves.

Tapas

This week's niyama is tapas. Tapas is translated as heat, but interpreted many ways. Dedicated effort, austerity, enthusiasm. It refers to the internal heat we all have to varying degrees that we use to get things done.

I mentioned last week that discipline is often looked at with disdain by our society. It is looked at, in my opinion, as a reduction in freedom. As a society based around the idea of being "free", we take offense at the idea of being restricted in any way.

But restriction leads to growth. Being able to control yourself will prevent myriad problems that our decadent society tends toward; addictions of all kinds. We want to feel alive. We want to feel good. What we tend to reach for to achieve that feeling is temporary. In the short term it works well, but it has no staying power.

We must exert some effort in order to achieve a lasting kind of goodness. It takes strength of will to be able to choose what is good for us, especially when the short term feel good is so easy; so readily available; so generally encouraged.

When we are told that we need to make changes, we feel that we have been wrong to this point. Obviously, if I must change my ways of doing things, it's because I've been doing things wrong. But this is not the case. There are just many ways of doing things. In order to become the best, brightest version of ourselves, we must work at it; we must be willing to be flexible in our perspectives.

As adults, we are daunted by the idea of hard work. We can do it, but we do it begrudgingly. Do you remember when you had the energy to do what ever you wanted? Do you remember a time when dedicating your time to building something was a joy and not a task? The work we do to grow only has to feel like work if we let it. If we can draw out our inner child, we can do amazing things with enthusiasm.

When did we become convinced the wonder of a child's perspective is embarrassing? When did we begin thinking that "childish" is an insult? Do you remember when you were unabashedly yourself? As an increasingly aware adult, I have often marveled at the change I went through as I became a young adult. I remember having a key chain that read, "I'm not opinionated, I'm just always right." Now that's not an attitude I generally encourage, but I miss the days of being that sure of myself. At some point I lost that. I began to buy into the idea that other people were right and I was wrong. That's just sad. I gained a timidity that I see reflected all around me. We are so worried about what others think of us. I can understand that we need each other to survive, but do we need to put so much stock into the opinion of others? When will we lift ourselves up and value our own opinions?

That's not to say that I want to be right all the time, or that I think you should think you're right all the time. That is a narrow minded attitude that truly is childish. But the best of our children can still be found within us, right along side the worst. Let's see if we can draw on the wonder, the joy, the open, unprejudiced view of people who haven't been conditioned to societies norms yet; who don't know how much they glow and if they did, they would feel embarrassed and try to stifle it. Don't stifle yourself today, this week, or ever.

This week's asana will be an effort to overcome self consciousness in order to do hard work with a joyful mind. We will get sweaty and be silly, and hopefully, learn something of what it is like to let go of the defenses we erect in order to feel less embarrassment.

Spring Cleaning

Yoga is practiced in part as a body management program. We reduce the needs of the body so we can know ourselves, our true selves; our best version. As the weather allows us out into the world again it is important to continue practicing acting from mindful awareness. It is easy to succumb to the lure of society, especially when emotions are heightened. Such as when we're excited to be free of cold darkness for a while. We must keep firmly within ourselves, and keep our tendency toward extremes in check, so that we don't move from habits. So we avoid reacting.

Over the next few weeks we'll be covering the concepts written in the Yoga Sutras known as the niyamas. Yama means discipline or self control and the niyamas are a group of 5 ideas of how to relate to yourself, so that you can actualize the best version.

Discipline is a dirty word in America, the land of the free. We resent restriction. But, if we are to grow, we must learn to restrain ourselves. The body demands things it doesn't need. We give in because it makes us feel good, or makes us feel alive. I am a staunch believer in moderation. I am a person, of the earth, and while I know there is a component of myself that is not, I like being material. I like to eat and drink and feel and run and smile and laugh and experience all the ways in which you can be alive in a body. But I can't be the best version of myself if I only do what feels good to my body. I would be an obese drunk with lung cancer. So I practice moderation and do the best I can, because sometimes I get emotionally overwhelmed and don't do as well as I'd like.

The Yoga Sutras are a collection of writings that can help us live in a way that uncovers the best version of ourselves. They are suspected of being written by several people, though authorship is given only to Patanjali. The Sutras are many things to many people, as it is with any work held dear by many. Interpretation holds the key to understanding, and we all interpret from our own perspective.

A very specific, yet widely known portion of the sutras deals with the aspects of yoga as we know it today. The eights limbs of yoga are yama, niyama, asana, pranayama, pratyahara, dharana, dhyana, and samadhi. This week we will focus on the niyama shaucha.

Shaucha is cleanliness, or purity. I thought that may be an approriate spring topic to consider. There are precedents in every major religion for purity and part of that approach is fasting. Lent, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan. In each, the adherent fasts in some way and reflects on the less than desirable choices they've made over the previous year.

Shaucha is not merely the cleanliness of the body. Our bodies require regular attention to keep from becoming mired in dirt, but so do our minds and even the spaces we occupy. Donna Farhi in her book Yoga Mind Body and Spirit suggests maintaining cleanliness in these areas will allow us to "experience ourselves at a higher resolution" (12).

So we will spring clean. By moving our bodies we will tone them and eliminate toxins from them and in doing so we will work out emotional baggage. Our pranayama practice will help to still the clutter in our minds and relaxation at the end of class will provide the opportunity to integrate the idea of cleanliness more completely.

Practice never stops. It is not limited to the mat. While yoga practice on the mat is beneficial, practicing these ideas everywhere else will allow you to make changes in your life. Pick a particularly beautiful day to clean out your car. Play music, sing and smile. Or let the process of cleaning be a practice in mindful attention. Let other issues out of your mind and find some satisfaction at the completion of your task. Give up one tasty but unhealthy thing from the majority of your life. Start small, start with something you know you can go without for a long time, then, when you've restrained yourself for a while, have a small amount. This can be a dangerous process if you're prone to excess, but if you can accomplish small victories, it's just a matter of time before you can accomplish large ones. Leave a prejudice or a stereotype behind you. Let yourself experience life from an open mind, a clean slate.

Vernal Equinox Celebration

AKA Spring!!

This week we will celebrate and honor nature's moment of balance.

For the rest of the year, with the exception of the autumnal equinox, we are either wishing for more light or complaining it's too hot. We are apt to extremes. We feel alive when we experience extremes. We know ourselves when we examine our reactions to those situations.

When we balance we will fall when we seek the edges; the extremes of our structure. Integration is the key to balance.

We've been working on integration rectently. As we notice and concentrate on our breath, we are uniting our mind to our energy. As we move on our breath, we integrate the body into that flow. As we are wholly connected to the breath we integrate ourselves into the moment.

This is the kind of concentration we'll need as we balance in dancer's pose (natarajasana). Hopefully, our integration will allow for enough freedom in this challenging pose to feel something of the spirit of the posture. With all the sunlight and the promise of warmth, could you maybe feel like dancing?

Mind's Eye and Ear

Once I was asked how I kept focused during yoga class. I was maybe 2 years into my practice and had begun taking my first series of classes in a studio, with a non-video yoga teacher. I realized the answer to that question was: I don't. I was in a constant state of flux internally, regardless of how stoic my facade. It is true even today. While it is easier for me to achieve a quiet interior and to focus on something, there's still a lot of movement, particularly when practicing pratyahara, and especially at home.

Today's class is about dealing with that voice/eye. Our minds eye and voice is made up of our conscious mind. Our conscious mind is made up of our ego. We can't turn it off. The conditioning we go through on a daily basis either rewards parts of our ego, and they become more prevalent in our personalities, or punishes them, which results in a diminished presence in our personalities. Regardless, they are a part of who we are. Using different techniques we can quiet this part of the mind and discover what all this noise distracts us from.

I have to say I admire those people who unequivocally believe we are divine. What joy their lives must be filled with. To know you are, at your essence, beneath all the physicality, a being of light is a beautiful, freeing knowledge. You don't have to be what the physical world, which includes ego, demands you be.

I don't mean to imply that I don't believe this to be true. I do. But, I don't feel comfortable shouting it from the rooftops and that's the kind of feeling I would like to try on. As a scientist I cannot give myself over to the idea with abandon because there isn't enough evidence. I can say with confidence that we are beings of energy and matter. Which are both of the physical plane. What I believe we are, and believe science will eventually provide a way to detect, is that physical energy and matter, as well as an animating energy that is not of the physical plane.

I get caught up in the semantics. Do we call it a soul? Chi? The yoga/sanskrit word for it is prana.. I have only recently been able to feel it. And that's ultimately what keeps me doing yoga. All of the anecdotal evidence I've experienced that it works. That, and a Roman Catholic background that pre-disposes my mind to accept wildly unprovable (read untestable) phenomenon.

Excitingly for those of us with the need for proof, there have been tremendous strides made in the scientific discipline of quantum physics about the nature of our universe. I love science and the feeling of concreteness if affords me. The language of mathematics, while I do not speak it well, has a sensation of satisfaction upon the completion of a problem. There have been many exciting developments in the world of quantum physics. I take it to mean that our level of understanding of the universe is incomplete. Which is true. And that were discovering all the time how wrong we can be. Which gives me hope that some of these things we have faith in will eventually be testable.

On a more "down to earth" level of science, I have begun to see articles almost daily that expound yoga as being able to bring about positive health changes in people. It is an exciting time for those who have known this for a while now.

http://www.drmccall.com/

http://www.webmd.com/balance/guide/the-health-benefits-of-yoga


We will continue the pratyahara practice this week. As the influence of the outside world is reduced, the even bigger challenge becomes to turn down the influence of your own mind. We want so badly to do things the "right" way that it becomes a stressful struggle when things to don't turn out the way we think is right. To have thoughts encroach when we're trying not to think is incredibly frustrating.
We can practice occupying the mind's ear/eye with tasks relevant to the moment until we can quiet the chatter. Maybe the repetition of an uplifting phrase helps you to keep your mind in the present. Maybe the flow of your breath anchors you to the here and now. Perhaps the feeling of your body moving through space works.

Instead of trying to push thoughts away or make your mind a fortress to keep thoughts out, try to let them go. There they are, they exist, now they can go. Move yourself back to the space you've created. Don't follow them. Don't tighten around the fact they exist. If letting go is a challenge, then use whatever technique works to bring you back from the wanderings of your mind.

Pratyahara Under Scrutiny

Not that we will be scrutinizing pratyahara, but that we will practice under scrutiny.

Scientists know that when a phenomenon is observed it changes; merely by the act of watching something you can change it. Many of our habits are changed by initiating that first step: watch what you do. As you become aware of actions, maybe actions you don't even know the origins of, you become less likely to continue them. When you watch your breath it is a challenge not to make changes to it; to resist the temptation to make it move as you think it should. When you do yoga in a group, or in a room that is observable from the outside, you will choose different actions than when you practice yoga alone at home. I find it challenging to motivate myself at home to practice big, sweaty asana and sometimes an extended sama vritti. But put me in a yoga studio with a teacher and a bunch of other students and watch how still I sit. Look how sweaty I am.

Pratyahara is the practice of withdrawing the senses. As you get better at reducing your external stimuli input, you are forced to face your internal voice; your mind's eye and ear. When you take away the external distractions you are under your own scrutiny. You may have let go of the power of another's view through certain techniques, but now you must let go of your own ego driven need to be "good" in another's eyes.

Let today's practice be your opportunity to live without judgement, comparison, or the need to please. Practice without editing yourself.

The Hibernation Factor

As we come to the end of winter, exciting changes are taking place outside. The light is returning to us. Just this morning I was fortunate enough to see a flock of migrating Canada geese. At this point I'm sure I'm not the only one who is ready to see warmer temperatures return and to be able to be outside for longer periods of time. (I'm particularly ready to be done with socks. It was warm enough in the house recently to walk without them and it was delightful.)

While all these changes happen slowly outside, inside we're feeling the effects of a long, cold winter. Even though we know spring is just around the corner, it's still dark early and it's cold. Maybe some have eaten a rich diet, trying to feel warm and secure in all the cold darkness. Maybe we're less inclined to want to get up and move. What some may call Seasonal Affective Disorder, I'm calling the hibernation factor. It makes sense that we're slower and maybe more apt to be sad after so many months of this kind of weather. You could look up the science of what occurs physiologically when our part of the earth is tilted away from the sun, what the lack of vitamin D does, how the irregular exposure to sunlight effects our melatonin levels. What we don't need is another "disorder" diagnosis. What we need is practice working with (as opposed to on) what we're feeling in preparation for the opportunity to bloom in spring.

I have been focusing recently on pratyahara. Pratyahara is the practice of reducing the influence of the senses in order to better know yourself. We will continue to work with this process over the next few weeks with the intention of preparing ourselves for the coming light. Now is the time to prepare your ground so you can flourish in the spring.

We will continue to utilize pranayama to create stillness and quiet internally. As a result, we will reduce the chatter that usually fills our heads and know ourselves better. Then we can take action from that place of knowledge, rather than habits or experiences.

No More Auto Pilot

Be Deliberate

Yesterday I watched my 5 month old daughter frown at her feet. She was sitting up, moving her left toes, but her face said, "how is that happening?" It occurred to me that I am still getting used to existing in the physical world. We become accustomed to our bodies when we're kids, then stop paying attention to them, unless they hurt. Ever marveled at the grace of an animals' movement? They use all their muscles in concert all the time. They do not compartmentalize and they do not become over burdened by emotional baggage. That's not to say they can't feel emotions, but rather that they are so in the moment they can't collect those emotions and relive them later.


Have you ever looked back on something you've done or said and thought, "Why?!" Today's intention and subsequent practice will hopefully move you away from ever having to ask yourself that question again. Even if you look back on a word or action and find it less than admirable, at least you'll know why you did it. That may not seem like the best end to something you did that you're embarrassed about, but part of knowing yourself is taking responsibility for those things you don't like about yourself. Don't bury those things under action whose motivation is a mystery to you. Be yourself. Strive to be the best version and moving toward that best version means to understand and accept the version you are now.


We will continue the practice of drawing the mind internally on the breath and keeping it there. The practice of quieting the senses' power is called pratyahara. To know yourself intimately, it helps to place less emphasis on the outside world and concentrate on the internal environment. Not only does this practice quiet the mind, it presents an opportunity to be present in the moment. By concentrating on the breath, we will be less distracted and then can know each moment as it is, as opposed to how we perceive it through our experiences. As a result, our bodies, breath, and mind integrate. This integration means never again will one part of yourself make a decision that another part will question later.

Prana Vayu and the Fear of Intimacy

Open up to yourself and find that you are better able to open to others; both to give and receive intimate feelings.

Valentine's Day is a christian holiday that celebrates a saint who supposedly was known for being associated with the tradition of courtly love (Wikipedia).

In modern times, there is an unfortunate imperative out there that you must not be alone. And if you are fortunate enough to have an intimate partner, the imperative is that you must  prove your love with the purchase of items.

As with the new year, I try not to celebrate that which has been marketed to turn a profit. Instead I focus on the quality of the idea. Celebrate new beginnings. Celebrate love. And not just romantic love.

Think for a moment about the people who persist in your life. Think about the emotions you've taken out on them. The faults you think you have that they endure. Who make you a better person my their very existence. These are the people who should be celebrated. And not only on the 14th of February.

Take a moment to think of these people and feel full of gratitude for your amazing good fortune; that you have met these people, maybe were born to these people, and continue to know them, continue to have relationships with them. Hopefully, there's more than one person, but even if there is but one, you are very rich.

This week's intention surrounds the blockages and defenses we erect in order to protect ourselves from pain relating to emotional intimacy. When we let go of past pain, we open ourselves up to give and receive our deepest emotions. We strengthen those relationships with people who are closest to us by our trust. We enrich our lives.

The flow of energy that moves in our chest and heads is called prana vayu. It will be our focus in asana practice this week, as it encompasses our hearts and head. By moving our hearts, we can let go of those defenses we intellectual determine we need as protection.

Cleanse the Palate

Today we will twist. Twisting stimulates the samana vayu. The samana vayu is located in the upper abdomen. It is concerned with digestion but also with the movement of the breath. It is a circular motion. It's the wind created when your breath and fire meet.

We have been concerning ourselves with a lot of varying types of fear recently and maybe it's time to let go of the idea of knowing anything for a minute and just exist. This can be just as much of a challenge as being aware of you and all your motivations. Sometimes to just be is enough. But if you're a driven individual, merely existing can feel like a waste of time. It is similar to the challenges that arise when in savasana or meditation. To sit still and be aware can be even more challenging than moving and being aware. As the body stills, the mind rushes in to make sure we are feeling productive. That we are pacifying our egos appropriately.

Our asana will make sure that we feel productive. The class will be a challenging combination of twists and forward bends. Burn it up and let it go. Over and over again. Then we can take a few moments to exist without the weight of our baggage clogging us up. Perhaps we can then let ourselves exist and have that be enough. Even if it's just for a moment.

Fear and the Udana Vayu

Be Less Timid When Expressing Yourself

The udan vayu governs the energy which travels up and out of our bodies and is concentrated in the throat.

This class focuses on the examination of the fear of social interactions. Our relationships are ruled by our communications with others. We are intensely social animals, needing a partner to procreate and feeling lonely when we don't have regular intimate contact with another human.

So, consider society. Consider how you feel about your place in it. Are you nervous when meeting new people? When going into unfamiliar social settings? Or maybe your confidence abounds when encountering strangers and it's when you are moving deeper into a relationship that you begin to feel worried and start to clam up. Intimacy can be awkward and nerve wracking. So maybe you express yourself to people you know you'll never have to see again.

Putting yourself out there honestly leaves you vulnerable and if you've gotten punched enough times without being prepared, I understand why you can't unclench anymore.

But lets try.

Change is Vital to Growth

There is no need to fear it.

Consider for a moment becoming the best version of yourself. When you ponder that idea, what obstacles do you encounter?

Perhaps the idea of becoming a "different" person is scary. I put different in quotation marks because letting go of useless habits does not mean you will be a completely different person. You won't suddenly dislike your friends and family. You won't spontaneously become a vegetarian and want to sell your TV.
You may begin reducing the amount of time you devote to TV and start paying closer attention to your nutritional intake. You may wind up understanding your friends' and families' points of view better and discover more patience.

This week I want you to know why you are afraid of change. What do you really think is going to happen if you start making changes in your life?

This is a prevalent attitude in our society. Don't dare do anything to disrupt the "American way of life". Change is fought by fearful people and has been for as long as I know of. Even when change is going to benefit people, it is railed against.

Ruts are very comfortable. I know all about it. I only ask that you take a look around yours every once and a while and see if it's the best thing for you.

This week's asana is designed with vyan vayu in mind. Vyan is the energy movement in the body that circulates throughout. It is said to be the governing force of the circulatory and lymphatic systems.

Prana Vayus and Fear

The next few weeks will be focused on the way energy moves in the body. More specifically, we'll be examining how fear causes us to close off the flow of energy, which leads to illness, reduced productivity and emotional stagnation.
Vayu translates as wind, and refers to the different ways energy flows in the body. The apana vayu is energy that flows down and out, and is concerned with elimination.

When the body encounters stress there are a very specific set of responses that occur. We prepare to fight or flee. I'm sure you're familiar with the vast body of information that exists regarding stress and health. Our bodies do not discriminate between being in life threatening danger and a stressful social situation; our bodies react the same way to the stress we feel behind the wheel or in our cubes as we would feel faced with bigger, badder situations. Fear is fear regardless of the catalyst.

The question in today's day and age, when we're not faced with the possibility of death every day, is what do we fear and, more importantly, why? What can't we let go of? Why? We probably all know what we fear. The more important piece is why.

This week we're not going to think. I know that sounds ridiculous, but the way to know the details is to clear the chatter out as much as possible. Set your breath to a steady rhythm and watch it. Let the smooth rhythm of your breath permeate your mind until your mind is smooth and quiet. Take your time and layer as many techniques to occupy your mind as you need until you can achieve single pointed concentration on the breath.  Then you will become receptive. Ideas will come to you. You will know things about yourself that you usually bury deep under a layer of noise.

Asana this week is focused on the idea of letting go. We will infuse our bodies with the same smooth rhythm that dominates our mind and breath. As the body flows you will loosen tight tight muscles; begin to reverse the effects of the stress reaction.

I taught this class on Tuesday and after I introduced the idea of knowing our fear better I had some stern participants. I don't blame anyone for being apprehensive about the exploration of their fear. Keep your sense of humor right at your finger tips. Never let it be far from you. Experience the lift asana brings to you. Let it light your way through the dark.