Subtlety

My classes are canceled this week so I can stay home and celebrate my son's (10/1 - 10 years) and fiancé's (10/3 - age undisclosed) birthdays.

But that isn't going to stop me from practicing. And hopefully it won't stop you either.

In the course of reading for my next module of teacher training, I came across information that deals with the idea that suffering rises from attachment and aversion. As we are constantly running away from one and toward the other we have no time/space to see there is more to existence. I was particularly moved by the description of how a pattern becomes reinforced and how emotional reactions increase our habits. As we are attached to things/concepts that reinforce our idea of who we are, when we are faced with ideas that contradict our own we react with aversion. We have an emotional reaction, a fearful reaction. When this happens we lose perspective. We no longer have access to the gap between our emotions and our actions. We react. We fall back on habitual patterns of action which then reinforces their use, making it that much more difficult to break them.

It's the speed we are forced to deal with that concerns and amazes me. It takes me no time at all to process stimuli and react to it. It has taken me a decade of practice to be able to insert a fingernail's width of space between the two and it's an exercise in mindfulness everyday, all day to keep it that way. It's so subtle. The amount of information we are forced to accept every day through our senses is so overwhelming. It's a constant barrage, because even when you're not constantly aware of it, your mind is still processing. We need to practice being aware of the subtle. It's easy to pay attention to the marching band. Can we begin to pick out individual instruments?

The exploration of subtlety is not one most want to engage in. My practice has changed quite a bit since I first began. I have developed the muscle tone to hold poses longer, which has become a necessity because I have also developed the awareness of more subtle information. There is a lot to be aware of, as you know, and as you become more spacious you have more room to notice. More details to notice. I love vinyasa classes, but it is important to slow down once and a while and make an effort to become more aware of the less obvious.

Asana coming next week.