Achieving Without Wanting

How can you get what you want if you can't be attached to it?

I've been considering attachment a lot lately. The question above occurred to me when I was thinking about how attachment can lead to suffering. How can you achieve if you can't want it? We all have a mental image of what we want our lives to be. There are many ways we are told we can achieve what we want in life. There was much ado about the Secret. The ultimate goal of the schemes to get what you want is to make sure you're wanting. If you want then you'll feel unfulfilled and you'll keep buying. The almighty dollar and the bottom line are, unfortunately, the priority of a lot of people.

Is there really anything wrong with wanting? Goals can be important to the process of achieving; there are tasks that must be completed everyday that require our attention. The real question is, what is your relationship to want? Attachment leads to suffering. If we are trying to reduce our suffering, it stands to reason that we want to shorten our list of wants. Everything we want but don't need is another potential for suffering when we don't have it.

Tibetan monks spend days crafting intricate and beautiful mandalas. When they are completed, the sand is gathered, immediately eliminating what took a great deal of time and effort to achieve, and offered to the nearest body of water. It is a practice in non attachment. Another example, closer to home, is dealing with a toddler. Most people want some semblance of order in their homes and devote a certain amount of time to achieving that. When you have a toddler, there is no such thing as neat. I've seen several posts on Facebook cleverly stating such a truth, but the one I remember the clearest is "Cleaning with a toddler is like raking in a hurricane." We call Sydonia Destructo. It's apt. So a practice of non attachment is existing in a home that you want to be neat, but contains a toddler.

In Yoga and Psychotherapy, the authors describe biofeedback experiments in which patients are asked to move blood into their hand as a way to reduce the frequency of migraine attacks. It was reported by the participants that trying to think the blood flow into their hand didn't work and resulted in great frustration. They gave up on that process, and once they had, what they were trying so hard to achieve happened. Their hand got warmer because of increased blood flow. Once they gave up it happened. Once they stopped trying to think their way through it, it happened.

This is not about deprivation. Decreasing your list of wants doesn't have to be torturous. This is not about self denial. It's about understanding. I thought at first I would ask you to offer up your effort to some kind of greater good. But that involves your wanting what you want for someone else. Instead, practice because you're here and you can. Let your mind rest. Let you ambition rest. Practice empty.