The Blame Game

Who do you blame?

I am on a roll with this happiness thing so lets consider this: who do you blame for the things that "happen to you"? I was lucky enough to have a good friend visit me over the weekend. She has recovered as much as she ever will from a serious traumatic injury. She mentioned she was having swelling and pain but that it was her own fault. She knows well her limitations, but sometimes she pushes the issue. This struck me in stark contrast to some patients I encounter in a day. There are people who blame everyone but themselves for their own difficulty. Even when there's no one to blame for their condition, they increase their discomfort unnecessarily with things like: the doctor don't really care and is in it for the money or their families are self involved and don't see them enough, etc.

This is a victimizing mentality. When you blame others for your actions you give away your strength and ability. This is in no way to detract from the very real problem of coping with a serious chronic illness. Sometimes accidents happen and sometimes people get sick. It's natural to want to know why. People want to believe they could have done something differently or at least have the satisfaction of being upset with the culprit. I am no exception. Maybe if the person in front of me in traffic would do the speed limit (or faster!) I wouldn't be late. (Or, maybe if I left the house on time) Maybe if Sydonia would sleep more at nap time I could get in a better practice. (Maybe I can be more creative with the time I have until she's older) Everyone I come into contact with is a potential source of responsibility for the troubles of my day. It is in my perspective that I take back my day.

I tend to shrug off some of my personality traits as part of my nature. And, it's true, I have always been an easy going person. But, I have worked over many years to understand my perspective. I have tried to give up blaming and let go of ways of thinking that increase tension. I am a happy person. It's because I choose to look very carefully at my life and see how fortunate I am in it. Sometimes it's a purposeful few moments for me to find the perspective that allows me freedom from frustration and bitterness. Ok, maybe more than a few. But, I find it. And, when I can't, I let go.
This week we will stretch and strengthen our "let go" muscles. We will focus on the back body, hips and spine. How much time do you spend in your eyes? I know that sounds odd, but we spend a lot of time experiencing the world from the level of our eyes. How much time do you spend in your front body? Can you draw your awareness into your back? We will try to detach from the flexibility of the front body and spend time in the stability and steadiness of the back. Maybe all you need is that subtle shift in perspective.