"To be beautiful means to be yourself. You don't need to be accepted by others. You need to accept yourself." Thich Nhat Hanh
I have developed a couple week's worth of classes that asked you to see yourself honestly and be ok with it. That can be a daunting task. So, this week I would like to focus on opening your heart. Facing parts of ourselves that we don't like is a challenge. When we encounter the emotions that follow uncovering something we dislike about ourselves, it can create anxiety; it can create an emotional state that we don't want to face, which we then suppress.
We must take time to be still and be grateful. Last week was non judgment, which is important for self exploration, but feeling grateful can be even more helpful. It is said that we can't experience the love of another until we can love ourselves. I think we can't appreciate the love of another until we can agree the traits others love in ourselves are worthy of love. When we can be open hearted toward ourselves, we are more likely to be open and understanding toward others.
You deserve love. You have so much to be grateful for.
Try this: Take a moment. This could be when you first wake up, or before bed, or even on a lunch break. You only need a few minutes. Begin by settling in to an aligned posture. Then bring your awareness to your breath. Gradually and gently smooth out and elongate your breath so that it fills and supports your posture. Begin to feel, around the space of your heart, gratitude build. Think of simple things such as: your body supports breath, even if it is limited. Your body can sit supported by itself, even if it needs modification. You possess the gift of life. No one said it would be perfect. As you are open to this feeling it is likely that you will find more and more to be grateful for. Be grateful for everything in your life that has led you to this moment.
This next practice you can try anywhere you feel comfortable making noise. It also takes only a few minutes. OM is said to be the vibration of the universe. As we OM in a class, we attempt to set our own vibrations to the vibration of the universe. I find this practice helpful to begin my day, or a practice. Sit aligned and comfortable. Press your palms together and thumbs to the heart center on the chest. In this way you align what you do in the world (the action you take with your hands) to the seat of your authentic self (the seat of your soul is said to reside in your heart). Imagine that soul is bound to you but also of something greater. OM powerfully to align your self on earth to the flow of the universe. (Don't forget the silence)
Finally, I have included below a link to an article on elephant journal. It details some of the author's journey and he includes a practice of self compassion he learned from Thich Nhat Hanh. I have not tried it yet. Every time I think of trying it, I get a little misty. It is a powerful practice and it takes a lot of courage to be able to hold what hurts you so close.
Self Compassion Practice
Monday, October 28, 2013
Monday, October 21, 2013
Non Judgement: The Roots of Attachment
In order to be attached to anything, we must be convinced of its' worth.
Just as wanting isn't necessarily a bad thing, there is an historic precident for judgement. There is a certain amount of discernment necessary to navigate society. Who we surround ourselves with strongly effects our lives. We must decide what kind of person we want to be and that will be reflected in the company we keep.
But, there is also a judemental attitude that pervades our society that keeps us separate and keeps us grasping. It has nothing to do with bettering ourselves or growth; on seeing things with a discerning eye. It's the voice in your head (and maybe out of your mouth) that calls people different from you names. The voice that has an inflexible idea of right and wrong that condemns those who think and behave differently. It is also the voice that keeps you down. It's the voice that tells you you can't, you shouldn't, you'll fail, you look stupid. It's the voice that prevents you from trying a yoga class, even though you want to, and it's the voice that turns the class into a competition once you're there.
We all have attributes we're not thrilled about and this is definitely one of mine. I call people stupid all the time. Not even anyone specifically. Just "People are stupid." Recently I thought, by what measure? It's such a dismissive and mean thing to say. As if I've never done anything that someone would consider stupid. (I ask those close to me to hold their tongues ;) The point is, it's this kind of thinking that prevents compassion and keeps us separate from one another. It keeps us individuals and keeps us from feeling comfortable in a crowd.
Have you ever met anyone who is comfortable in their own skin? Is it not a relief? There's something magnetic about a person who is themselves without apology. Who is so comfortable they don't have to show off or try to impress. They are few and far between. And even they get nervous in a crowd.
I have, with a good deal of practice, begun to be able to have a day without having to review every detail at the end of it to find what I should be cringing about. Sometimes I fall back into that rut, but I invite you to let go of whatever judgements you're holding over yourself that keep you anxious and unsure. Open your perspective so you can see what another is going through with compassion, even if they did "bring it upon themselves." Remember that you are they and they are you. Begin to see the judgemets you place on yourself are the judgements you hold against others. As you free yourself, everyone becomes more free.
Just as wanting isn't necessarily a bad thing, there is an historic precident for judgement. There is a certain amount of discernment necessary to navigate society. Who we surround ourselves with strongly effects our lives. We must decide what kind of person we want to be and that will be reflected in the company we keep.
But, there is also a judemental attitude that pervades our society that keeps us separate and keeps us grasping. It has nothing to do with bettering ourselves or growth; on seeing things with a discerning eye. It's the voice in your head (and maybe out of your mouth) that calls people different from you names. The voice that has an inflexible idea of right and wrong that condemns those who think and behave differently. It is also the voice that keeps you down. It's the voice that tells you you can't, you shouldn't, you'll fail, you look stupid. It's the voice that prevents you from trying a yoga class, even though you want to, and it's the voice that turns the class into a competition once you're there.
We all have attributes we're not thrilled about and this is definitely one of mine. I call people stupid all the time. Not even anyone specifically. Just "People are stupid." Recently I thought, by what measure? It's such a dismissive and mean thing to say. As if I've never done anything that someone would consider stupid. (I ask those close to me to hold their tongues ;) The point is, it's this kind of thinking that prevents compassion and keeps us separate from one another. It keeps us individuals and keeps us from feeling comfortable in a crowd.
Have you ever met anyone who is comfortable in their own skin? Is it not a relief? There's something magnetic about a person who is themselves without apology. Who is so comfortable they don't have to show off or try to impress. They are few and far between. And even they get nervous in a crowd.
I have, with a good deal of practice, begun to be able to have a day without having to review every detail at the end of it to find what I should be cringing about. Sometimes I fall back into that rut, but I invite you to let go of whatever judgements you're holding over yourself that keep you anxious and unsure. Open your perspective so you can see what another is going through with compassion, even if they did "bring it upon themselves." Remember that you are they and they are you. Begin to see the judgemets you place on yourself are the judgements you hold against others. As you free yourself, everyone becomes more free.
Monday, October 14, 2013
Achieving Without Wanting
How can you get what you want if you can't be attached to it?
I've been considering attachment a lot lately. The question above occurred to me when I was thinking about how attachment can lead to suffering. How can you achieve if you can't want it? We all have a mental image of what we want our lives to be. There are many ways we are told we can achieve what we want in life. There was much ado about the Secret. The ultimate goal of the schemes to get what you want is to make sure you're wanting. If you want then you'll feel unfulfilled and you'll keep buying. The almighty dollar and the bottom line are, unfortunately, the priority of a lot of people.
Is there really anything wrong with wanting? Goals can be important to the process of achieving; there are tasks that must be completed everyday that require our attention. The real question is, what is your relationship to want? Attachment leads to suffering. If we are trying to reduce our suffering, it stands to reason that we want to shorten our list of wants. Everything we want but don't need is another potential for suffering when we don't have it.
Tibetan monks spend days crafting intricate and beautiful mandalas. When they are completed, the sand is gathered, immediately eliminating what took a great deal of time and effort to achieve, and offered to the nearest body of water. It is a practice in non attachment. Another example, closer to home, is dealing with a toddler. Most people want some semblance of order in their homes and devote a certain amount of time to achieving that. When you have a toddler, there is no such thing as neat. I've seen several posts on Facebook cleverly stating such a truth, but the one I remember the clearest is "Cleaning with a toddler is like raking in a hurricane." We call Sydonia Destructo. It's apt. So a practice of non attachment is existing in a home that you want to be neat, but contains a toddler.
In Yoga and Psychotherapy, the authors describe biofeedback experiments in which patients are asked to move blood into their hand as a way to reduce the frequency of migraine attacks. It was reported by the participants that trying to think the blood flow into their hand didn't work and resulted in great frustration. They gave up on that process, and once they had, what they were trying so hard to achieve happened. Their hand got warmer because of increased blood flow. Once they gave up it happened. Once they stopped trying to think their way through it, it happened.
This is not about deprivation. Decreasing your list of wants doesn't have to be torturous. This is not about self denial. It's about understanding. I thought at first I would ask you to offer up your effort to some kind of greater good. But that involves your wanting what you want for someone else. Instead, practice because you're here and you can. Let your mind rest. Let you ambition rest. Practice empty.
I've been considering attachment a lot lately. The question above occurred to me when I was thinking about how attachment can lead to suffering. How can you achieve if you can't want it? We all have a mental image of what we want our lives to be. There are many ways we are told we can achieve what we want in life. There was much ado about the Secret. The ultimate goal of the schemes to get what you want is to make sure you're wanting. If you want then you'll feel unfulfilled and you'll keep buying. The almighty dollar and the bottom line are, unfortunately, the priority of a lot of people.
Is there really anything wrong with wanting? Goals can be important to the process of achieving; there are tasks that must be completed everyday that require our attention. The real question is, what is your relationship to want? Attachment leads to suffering. If we are trying to reduce our suffering, it stands to reason that we want to shorten our list of wants. Everything we want but don't need is another potential for suffering when we don't have it.
Tibetan monks spend days crafting intricate and beautiful mandalas. When they are completed, the sand is gathered, immediately eliminating what took a great deal of time and effort to achieve, and offered to the nearest body of water. It is a practice in non attachment. Another example, closer to home, is dealing with a toddler. Most people want some semblance of order in their homes and devote a certain amount of time to achieving that. When you have a toddler, there is no such thing as neat. I've seen several posts on Facebook cleverly stating such a truth, but the one I remember the clearest is "Cleaning with a toddler is like raking in a hurricane." We call Sydonia Destructo. It's apt. So a practice of non attachment is existing in a home that you want to be neat, but contains a toddler.
In Yoga and Psychotherapy, the authors describe biofeedback experiments in which patients are asked to move blood into their hand as a way to reduce the frequency of migraine attacks. It was reported by the participants that trying to think the blood flow into their hand didn't work and resulted in great frustration. They gave up on that process, and once they had, what they were trying so hard to achieve happened. Their hand got warmer because of increased blood flow. Once they gave up it happened. Once they stopped trying to think their way through it, it happened.
This is not about deprivation. Decreasing your list of wants doesn't have to be torturous. This is not about self denial. It's about understanding. I thought at first I would ask you to offer up your effort to some kind of greater good. But that involves your wanting what you want for someone else. Instead, practice because you're here and you can. Let your mind rest. Let you ambition rest. Practice empty.
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