Abhinivesa

Abhinivesa is the sanskrit word for fear. It is one of the five kleshas, or mental afflictions, which give us a sense of discordance. They are the thoughts we think we're stuck with before we discover there are techniques to help us release their control over us. That is one of the first things I remember really sticking with me when I began my initial teacher training. We don't have to be stuck with our thoughts. We don't have to be at the mercy of our emotional waves. With practice we have power over what we may perceive as having power over us. It's such a liberating thought. 

 

I have to remind myself that I am determined to behave in a way that reflects my practice and is not dependent upon anothers' actions. This is particularly difficult to bear in mind when dealing with the people who I am emotionally attached to.

When I worked in the hospital there was a remarkable amount of "I won't do that cause they won't", and subsequent complaining about "them". But perpetuating the behavior of a jerk only makes you an jerk. 

When I allow others to dictate how I behave, I am motivated by fear. I fear I won't be liked. Everyone wants to be a part of a group. Even those who like to be alone want to be accepted and appreciated. We have to bring that acceptance to ourselves. Yogic teachings say that when you realize your true essence you will never feel lonely again. Take a step toward that awareness by clearing out space that has been filled with worry, fear and reactivity.

 

You have to cultivate an understanding that all your worries are based in fear. The ultimate fear is that of death, but the general fear of the unknown is infused into all of our decisions. This boils down to avoidance and attachment, which the sutras say are the obstacles to overcome if samadhi (becoming one with the essence of existence) is going to be achieved. 

 

Maybe samadhi is too lofty a goal for you. Just moving through your life with less fear can help to open you to the moment, allowing you to act purposefully instead of reacting. 

There are many techniques yogis have to help face and integrate fear.

Bramhuri is a kriya (cleansing practice) that helps reduce external distractions and clear away mental disturbances. Plug your ears and hum.

Long exhale: extending the length of your exhale relative to that of your inhale will help to sooth your nervous system and calm your mind.

Chandra bedhana: Inhaling through your left nostril and exhaling through the right will help facilitate calm and promote sleep.

Asana awareness: Staying observant during asana practice can help you to realize where you hold your fear in the body. How do you approach poses that you are afraid of as opposed to those you look forward to. 

Contemplation: Who do you allow into your space when you're alone?

How big is the gulf between what you think/do when you're alone vs with others?

How much guilt to you subject yourself to?

Do you fill silence with worry? 

Answer these questions without judgement. Become aware of what is without fearing repercussions.

 

Let It Go has become a cliche but...

Surrender has a negative connotation here in the west, but it is an integral part of yoga practice.

Ishvara Pranidhana traditionally refers to the surrender of ones will to the will of the divine. This is not an excuse to absolve yourself of responsibility, but a way to allow something greater than your self, something that has a broader perspective of life than your ego, to guide you.

Not everyone believes in an esoteric higher power, and in the wonderfully malleable tradition I have had the pleasure of practicing, this practice can still be utilized by all. The essence is the realization that our finite view can't possibly encompass the whole of all situations. There is a part of ourselves which isn't so myopic. Surrendering to that view can help us live in the flow of life, instead of trying to smash through obstacles.

There is a dance we all do between what has happened to us and what will happen. The extent to which you feel controlling or embrace chaos has to do with your relationship to what is behind you. Our memories of our experiences and the level to which we are attached to them determines our behavior. Unless we practice being mindful. Yoga has many techniques to assist here. Typically at the start of a regular practice it is the physical part of our beings that we can access most readily. Practicing asana allows us to notice our reactions in a controlled setting, which generalizes nicely to the rest of our lives. How you choose to practice is reflective of how you choose to live. As you practice regularly you'll begin to notice the ability to have space between what happens and how you behave. In other words, to choose behavior, as opposed to reacting.

We use our logic moving forward in our lives, thinking our way through decisions. Being goal oriented is not a problem, but when we are muddled about our motivation it won't lead us where we think we want to go. Or, you'll get what you want, but won't like it. One of the ways we can surrender is by observing in ourselves what is waiting around to be happy and let it go. If you have within you a certain set of circumstances that must be met before you can rest/feel better,  happy or fulfilled than it is likely that you will not ever feel complete. Contentment is another of the tenents of yoga practice. Letting go is essential to contentment.

Light the Dark

We are headed toward a milestone for almost everyone. The month of December has so many reasons to celebrate. Yet there are elements that can cause suffering. The winter solstice happens to mark the day with the least light for our region of the world. It’s going to be cold and dark and for many that’s a daunting situation to face. The question then becomes: why? Many are afraid of the dark and cold because they are afraid of being uncomfortable and they are afraid of change. The cold is something to be endured for many. It is the reason to perpetuate hibernation tendencies and become mired in ourselves. Dark is to be overly lit. Bad things are said to happen in the dark. This is but a reflection of our own fear of our own dark.
Yoga teaches the path of growth lies in shedding light into our internal dark corners. Those things we are reluctant to look at are the things holding us back.
Sukha is a Sanskrit word that refers to an open and illuminated space. Dukha is the opposite. We can embody either term, and maybe through your practice you have noticed positions or situations in which you feel light and at ease, or closed off and upset.
The beauty of claiming your life is that you get to choose. You get to choose how you practice, you get to choose how you feel about winter and you get to choose whether you increase your inner space or increase (or maintain) your suffering.
Getting yourself motivated when you're feeling down can be a real challenge, and the yogic concept of Agni is an important element to increase at this time of year. The seat of fire in our beings is in the region of our navels. When nature is at its darkest we must remember we carry light and warmth within us every day.

Presence

Don't short change yourself.

I spend a lot of time in my car. On Rt 29 between Saratoga and Johnstown, someone has posted a billboard that says Are You Here? 

The first thing that comes to my mind is who has the disposable income to be able to put up a random reminder to be present? 

More importantly, thanks for the reminder.

Being present isn't something we do well. It's not taught, nor is it encouraged. Multitasking has become an important part of our society, even though we know it is detrimental. Being the parent of a toddler means that you have to be able to multitask, but it lowers the quality of your performance. 

I've noticed being in a relationship distracts me like nothing else. If I have uncertainty I worry over it like someone picking a scab. I had a conversation with a student recently in which we discovered we had similar tendencies. She is the type to reminisce. She tells stories of what she's done. I'm the type to plan. I spend more of my time projecting what could happen than paying attention to what is happening.

No where is this more evident than in my car. Whether it be going over a situation I feel I could have handled better or imagining what will happen at some point in the future, I'm rarely thinking about the drive. Unless someone is driving in a way that annoys me. It occurred to me that I'm short changing my own life. Have you ever had someone who caused such a strong emotional reaction in you that you think of them all day? It can be either extreme. Someone you think is amazing can bleed into your thoughts all day. Someone you think is mean, stupid or arrogant can take out a couple.
The real problem here isn't that you're thinking of someone else, or that you've reacted to them. It's that you are spending your time and energy on them when they're not around. You're detracting from your own present.

Yoga has techniques which we can apply, practice and thereby increase our capacity to be present. Moving the body through postures linked to the flow of the breath, all the while keeping your awareness on the process leaves little room for wandering musings. That doesn't mean it won't happen, but your intention is the icing. How aware do you want to be? How dedicated are you willing to be?

It can be daunting, especially when you're first starting out. You may have to bring yourself back to the task at hand for what seems like a hundred times. But, you'll gradually find it gets easier.

Spend time this week noticing where your mind leads you. Sometimes it's a distraction from a difficult, stressful task. Sometimes it's laziness, or boredom. Pay attention to whether or not you're paying attention.

Know Thyself

Recently I listened to Kyle Cease speak about the idea of an external locus of control. When we're children we have nothing but an external locus of control. We are born two people, we are born to the circumstances of those people. And then, as parents, we assume our children lie (because they do). When you are only ever at the mercy of your circumstances you learn to become manipulative to get what you want. But, in this crucial time of development we convince our children that we know how they feel better than they do. That mentality becomes ingrained in our worldview to such an extent that there are adults out there complaining that things are happening to them. They've completely given up the concept of creating their reality, of knowing who they are. Because they think someone else knows better. They spend their time manipulating those around them to get what they want. (What they think they want) They blame circumstances they have the power to change without realizing they've come into a position to do it.

This kind of mentality is why we give doctors so much authority over us, how the student/teacher relationship works, how some religions work. And society. Keep yourself small and ignorant and let those who know tell you what's true. 

Yoga offers the practitioner so many opportunities of growth. One if them is the opportunity to move your locus of control from outside of yourself to inside. From the world happens to me to I happen to the world. 

As you begin to peel back layers of conditioning you learn who you are, what your baseline assumptions are and if they're useful. If they're not you can begin to change them. 

Practice this week without falling into your habitual student mindset. Practice without letting your teacher be over or above you. Most teachers want to serve you. You practice in the service of your highest self, not to placate another person, not even your own ego. Keep polishing your perspective until you are a beacon in the world. A lighthouse. 

It's Just Play

Open to a broader perspective. 

Deepak Chopra was interviewed by someone wowed by his retreat center. When asked how he accomplished all of his success he answered "It's just play".

What an incredible mindset! How often do you feel weighed down by your responsibilities? How often have you wished for bigger and better? How often have you striven for something or watched someone else accomplish something incredible with a twinge of jealousy? We spend so much time waiting for what we hope will happen we rob ourself of the moment and the peace that can be found therein. 

Kids are all over this. We used to run and swim and bike and laugh all day long. We didn't know running and biking were good for us. They were just fun. We didn't stop and let our day be ruined because we fell and scrapped our knees. We got up and played more. 

I don't want to discount the mental exhaustion that comes with responsibility but a change in perspective can make a huge difference. One of my goals in life is to grow as a person and retain my sense of wonder. Having a todler helps. We are so much less restricted as children. We haven't learned the restrictions yet. 

Let's try life today with these circumstances and play. If you can navigate life with a playful mindset, then challenges become parameters for the game. Ever played with your gums after you lost a tooth? Ever picked a scab? I don't want you to do it to cause yourself pain, but I don't want to you avoid the pain if it's there either. It's all play. 

Non-attachment

We attach to so many things. We are particularly attached to our bodies, literally and figuratively. We are concerned with way we look, especially as compared to the way other people look. As we age, are injured or sick we lament what we were once capable of. 

We attach to things. We have a consumer driven culture, and I am no exception. I love shiny things. I will expend resources on new tech and be sad when I don't have it with me or can't use it any more. 

We attach to people. We may be drawn to certain personalities or physical traits. I'm reading Living with the Himalayan Masters by Swami Rama, which is a detailed account of his life with his teacher as a student of yoga. He relates a lesson he learned, his teacher tells him "Many people confuse attachment with love. But, in attachment you become selfish, interested in your own pleasure, and you misuse love. You become possessive and try to gain the objects of your desires. Attachment creates bondage, while love bestows freedom. When yogis speak of non-attachment, they are not teaching indifference, but are teaching how to genuinely and selflessly love others. Non-attachment, properly understood, means love. Non-attachment, or love, can be practiced by those who live in the world as well as by those who are renunciates."

It can be scary to let go. Understanding my neuroses better and moving past them will never fundamentally change who I am. Letting go of prior conditioning and growing as human adults can only make us freer to be ourselves. Less fear. More love. 

I am the kind of person who welcomes change to such and extent that I'm more afraid of stagnation. Living in extremes is the least healthy modus operandi. But the extremes 

can be so much fun. 

We can get caught up and attached to negative narratives. Stop devaluing yourself. What are you afraid of? Achieving your dreams? Losing out? Change? 

Be grounded in yourself. Deny no part of your being. Settle into your internal environment and watch with non-attachment. Do not work for results. You are not your muscles or your senes.